Here comes Wyatt’s birthday (2014)!

August 30th, 2014

DSC01723The thing is, I’m not excited about my sons birthday.  I’m pretty upset about it this year.  This year, it feels more like the anniversary of his death than the day he was born into our lives  Not sure what has changed, not sure if there’s one specific thing that leads me to this feeling, but overall, I’m just flat out bummed about it.  That’s not to be mistaken for the happiness I feel for spending time with my family at Disneyland which we’ve continued to make the annual tradition on his birthday since the day we lost him.  But I don’t know, this year, we’re going on a “sick day” from dad and barely spending any time acknowledging this amazing moment in our lives (the birth of our second son).  It’s feeling a bit formulaic this year.  Kind of like “hey, remember when you had that son named Wyatt and this was his birthday, you should probably acknowledge that!”  All the while, life is occurring all around us (work for both the husband and the wife, kids school, financial hardship, new dog, diabetes, etc.)

So why Disneyland?

The fact of the matter is, when Wyatt passed on June 22nd, 2008, we only had a few months to figure out how we would handle (celebrate) his birthday.  We chose Disneyland as the destination to remember and celebrate his life and at the time, only Parker would accompany us to the “Happiest Place On Earth” to remember his brother which I’m not sure he remembers much of considering he was only 3-ish years old at the time.  The hard truth is we needed an escape and damned if Disneyland didn’t provide it for us.  Thank the all-mighty it did because who knows what crazy thing we would’ve invented to remember such a tragic, horrible story that led to Wyatt’s passing.

You know what though, it happened.  We had fun.  We realized that we could celebrate Wyatt’s life that day and I look forward to a few days from now when we can celebrate him again and put our own lives on hold so that he can remind us of the wonderful things he represented.  He was such a beacon of joy and it carried through on his birthday when we headed toward Anaheim California to the Happiest Place on Earth regardless of whether he was tphoto-2here with us in person.

I miss Wyatt.  And even many years later as we also have to “celebrate” Parkers diagnosis of diabetes (which happened as we arrived in Anaheim to celebrate Wyatt’s birthday in 2011), I can only say that that it helps to go back to the “scene of the crime” and be there with the fam as we cruise down Main Street toward the Pirates of the Caribbean in anticipation of the thrills we get being a part of the perfect theme park that has masqueraded as our escape from pure grief on the day Wyatt was born and Parker was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes.

In the end, I don’t have much to say.  I just want to recognize that Wyatt has never been missed more and that this year, for whatever reason has been harder than most.  I can’t wait to get to Disneyland to help me channel that sadness into more of a celebration for my son.

It’s so needed.  It’s so overdue.

Happy birthday Wyatt.  Happy diagnosis day Parker (better than losing you).  Now lets rock all the rides and get our fun on!

–Dad (Corey)



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